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Showing posts from 2015

1st Christmas as a mummy

So this is the first Christmas I have had as a mother. My little boy turned 4 months old over Christmas & its been a blessing watching him learn & grow. I love waking up to his smile each morning, knowing that that grin will wash away any worries that may plague me. The cooing noises he has been making let's me know he is trying to communicate with me, while making himself laugh at any noise he makes. He was thoroughly spoiled over Christmas & watching him trying to open presents was fantastic. He loves the noisy toys but also enjoys sitting with me & reading a good book. We even made our own cards this year with his footprints, creating images of reindeer. Trying to get his print on the card was one of the hardest things my partner & I have had to face, it was fun though as paint went everywhere & we ended up with alien looking prints instead of the cute ones we had seen on the internet.Life as a mother has changed me. I thought it would be something I was…

Survivor

Yes I am a survivor. When you can walk away from any form of domestic violence, then you are a survivor. It proves that you are strong even when you are being told constantly that you are weak. It proves that you know what is normal behaviour even though you are lead to believe the words & pain are normal & it proves that you honour yourself too much to let it continue.

You see when it starts you think to yourself  'OK that will not happen again', you're even told 'I'm sorry I didn't mean it, it will never happen again'. But then it does happen again & suddenly you don't know what to do or who to go to for help/advice. You have gone from someone who will share everything to keeping this big secret that slowly eats away at you. You find yourself not trusting others & that you have to protect your other half, as this is not the real them.

This is what happened to me. The first time wasn't a tiny slap, it was a full on fight over an ema…

New Life, New Start

I didn't realise it had been 3 years since I last wrote on here. This used to be my saviour, the place I would let my thoughts flow. Yet over the years I lost my buzz, I lost how to form the written word. I knew who was reading this & began to fear what I could & couldn't write. Which is silly as this was my page & surely as a writer I had every right to write what & how I felt.

No the coward in me became to strong & I gave up. I gave up my passion, my hobby. I bowed down to those who scared me most.

Well not today, if they are still reading this then you will get to hear a lot from me & I will go into detail about how I suffered & what I went through. There is no more hiding for me.

So to update everyone that may still read this & to the new readers out there:

I'm no longer married. That's the first big milestone. I went through a divorce before I hit the big 3 0. I had been married for 3 years, together for 4 years. Why did I finally pl…