Sunday, 15 January 2017
My boy turned one in September. I'm so proud of who he is becoming already, it's been amazing watching him learn & grow. He is a cheeky little devil but I wouldn't change that for anything.
I have also taken on a new venture. I'm now working from home running my own health & beauty business. So I thought what a better way for me to get my trapped words out there than by doing reviews of my products! I've definitely been missing the trick of the two things I enjoying doing....writing & business!!
The new me will be blogging about life, mummyhood & my business. I will be adding plenty of pictures of my products as well.
Thank you to all my readers for being so patient with me & welcome to the new, happier, more focused me.
Wednesday, 30 December 2015
So this is the first Christmas I have had as a mother. My little boy turned 4 months old over Christmas & its been a blessing watching him learn & grow.
I love waking up to his smile each morning, knowing that that grin will wash away any worries that may plague me. The cooing noises he has been making let's me know he is trying to communicate with me, while making himself laugh at any noise he makes.
He was thoroughly spoiled over Christmas & watching him trying to open presents was fantastic. He loves the noisy toys but also enjoys sitting with me & reading a good book. We even made our own cards this year with his footprints, creating images of reindeer. Trying to get his print on the card was one of the hardest things my partner & I have had to face, it was fun though as paint went everywhere & we ended up with alien looking prints instead of the cute ones we had seen on the internet.
Life as a mother has changed me. I thought it would be something I was a natural at but you can never be prepared for the intense love you feel as you hold your tiny bundle in your arms after getting the shit kicked out of you for the past 9 months, the chronic heartburn, the frequent toilet visits & never being able to get comfy due to the unnatural looking bump you have protruding in front of you like something out of the alien films.
The way you are stared at by your bundle of joy as you pull silly faces or babble in baby talk, the heart stopping moment when you hear them cry for something more than food, the realisation that you can't always take their pain away instead knowing you have to provide cuddles on tap for reassurance.
Knowing you are the only one who can protect them, speak out for them, provide for them. It is a life changing existence, a humbling experience & one of the greatest things I've ever done. I wouldn't change my new life for anything.
It's the most rewarding things I could have ever achieved & I'm proud to now call myself a mother.
Thursday, 16 July 2015
You see when it starts you think to yourself 'OK that will not happen again', you're even told 'I'm sorry I didn't mean it, it will never happen again'. But then it does happen again & suddenly you don't know what to do or who to go to for help/advice. You have gone from someone who will share everything to keeping this big secret that slowly eats away at you. You find yourself not trusting others & that you have to protect your other half, as this is not the real them.
This is what happened to me. The first time wasn't a tiny slap, it was a full on fight over an email. I had already started to be controlled by having to hand over all my login details to my accounts. I was made to delete my social media sites, being told 'if you love me then you'll do this for me'. My life quickly vanished & in it's place became a new made up version of me. I bowed down to it all because I felt I had no choice.
So an email arrived one afternoon & after being out drinking all day it ended with a proper fight that left me bruised, shaken & our flat in a mess. I walked out but realised I had no where to go...why? Because i was afraid to tell someone why i needed to leave. I didn't want to be that person that had been punched, kicked, slapped all evening with the bruises to prove it. I wanted to be the person who was starting a new relationship where it was suppose to be romantic & loving. So I went back to him.
I was promised it would never happen again, that it was unlike him & that he loved me very much. I believed him, why wouldn't I not believe him? I knew this wasn't him deep down, this was a man who was drunk & turned on me. So I stayed.
Then it happened again. I knew then this would keep happening. Yet I still chose to stay. I have no idea why I chose to stay, I will never in a million years understand my decision at that point in time but to be honest it was the worse mistake of my life & even a few months later when I married him I knew I would never be happy again.
Sunday, 28 June 2015
No the coward in me became to strong & I gave up. I gave up my passion, my hobby. I bowed down to those who scared me most.
Well not today, if they are still reading this then you will get to hear a lot from me & I will go into detail about how I suffered & what I went through. There is no more hiding for me.
So to update everyone that may still read this & to the new readers out there:
I'm no longer married. That's the first big milestone. I went through a divorce before I hit the big 3 0. I had been married for 3 years, together for 4 years. Why did I finally pluck up the courage to leave? Actually I do not know. I just woke one morning & thought I can not go on with this....looking at myself in the mirror & seeing a black eye staring back at me probably helped.
You see I was a victim of domestic violence. I had been suffering in silence for too long & the longer I allowed it to continue, the worse it became. I knew that one day I would probably be dead. I knew that if I didn't leave I would not survive more years of the abuse.
I suffered in silence & felt that no one would listen or care if I spoke out about it. I painted a rosy picture that was far from rosy. Yet when I left my family started telling me they knew something was wrong, but they didn't realise how bad it was. They admitted that they didn't want to say anything in case I ran further away from them.
They were probably right. I would have sunk further into myself & they would have lost me to a devil.
Over further posts I will go into detail about the fear I lived through, the isolation, the torture of hating yourself & believing you were the one in the wrong, the moment of realisation & the escape where the doors opened to a new life. In writing about those days, hours & minutes I hope to give others encouragement & to let them know they are not alone.
My life has now changed for the better. I am finally free of the old me & a new me has sprung to life. So much so that I am in a new relationship & we are expecting our first child. Life for me couldn't be happier or more settled.
Sunday, 17 June 2012
But by starting the job I have neglected my writing & those who read this blog. So this was my way of saying sorry & to let people know I haven't disappeared lol.
I have also, in between working, managed to finish my degree...woohoo!! I should get my final result for the honours classification in August, so I shall be nervously biting my nails & checking the website everyday lol! Hence it has been a crazy, busy month.
Thankfully though I remembered Father's day & managed to send a gift & card to my dad...who has become a technology geek :o) it's actually quite funny as before he had trouble even texting people, but now he downloads apps, instant messages me & can upload photos & send them in an email! Way to go dad lol. Bless him, he has been getting excited telling me about all these new things he can do ha! I'm so proud of him.
I also want to say how proud I am of A.H. Browne for getting her other book published online... http://www.ahbrowne.com/2012/06/free-download-weekend-dragons-dawn.html#comment-form she is also offering free downloads of her book on certain days so go grab her book & have a good read :o)
I will have to keep up with my writing now & I might just add some amusing stories of the shop along the way. There must be a book in there somewhere lol. :o)