Thursday, 16 July 2015


Yes I am a survivor. When you can walk away from any form of domestic violence, then you are a survivor. It proves that you are strong even when you are being told constantly that you are weak. It proves that you know what is normal behaviour even though you are lead to believe the words & pain are normal & it proves that you honour yourself too much to let it continue.

You see when it starts you think to yourself  'OK that will not happen again', you're even told 'I'm sorry I didn't mean it, it will never happen again'. But then it does happen again & suddenly you don't know what to do or who to go to for help/advice. You have gone from someone who will share everything to keeping this big secret that slowly eats away at you. You find yourself not trusting others & that you have to protect your other half, as this is not the real them.

This is what happened to me. The first time wasn't a tiny slap, it was a full on fight over an email. I had already started to be controlled by having to hand over all my login details to my accounts. I was made to delete my social media sites, being told 'if you love me then you'll do this for me'. My life quickly vanished & in it's place became a new made up version of me. I bowed down to it all because I felt I had no choice.

So an email arrived one afternoon & after being out drinking all day it ended with a proper fight that left me bruised, shaken & our flat in a mess. I walked out but realised I had no where to go...why? Because i was afraid to tell someone why i needed to leave. I didn't want to be that person that had been punched, kicked, slapped all evening with the bruises to prove it. I wanted to be the person who was starting a new relationship where it was suppose to be romantic & loving. So I went back to him.

I was promised it would never happen again, that it was unlike him & that he loved me very much. I believed him, why wouldn't I not believe him? I knew this wasn't him deep down, this was a man who was drunk & turned on me. So I stayed.

Then it happened again. I knew then this would keep happening. Yet I still chose to stay. I have no idea why I chose to stay, I will never in a million years understand my decision at that point in time but to be honest it was the worse mistake of my life & even a few months later when I married him I knew I would never be happy again.

Sunday, 28 June 2015

New Life, New Start

I didn't realise it had been 3 years since I last wrote on here. This used to be my saviour, the place I would let my thoughts flow. Yet over the years I lost my buzz, I lost how to form the written word. I knew who was reading this & began to fear what I could & couldn't write. Which is silly as this was my page & surely as a writer I had every right to write what & how I felt.

No the coward in me became to strong & I gave up. I gave up my passion, my hobby. I bowed down to those who scared me most.

Well not today, if they are still reading this then you will get to hear a lot from me & I will go into detail about how I suffered & what I went through. There is no more hiding for me.

So to update everyone that may still read this & to the new readers out there:

I'm no longer married. That's the first big milestone. I went through a divorce before I hit the big 3 0. I had been married for 3 years, together for 4 years. Why did I finally pluck up the courage to leave? Actually I do not know. I just woke one morning & thought I can not go on with this....looking at myself in the mirror & seeing a black eye staring back at me probably helped.

You see I was a victim of domestic violence. I had been suffering in silence for too long & the longer I allowed it to continue, the worse it became. I knew that one day I would probably be dead. I knew that if I didn't leave I would not survive more years of the abuse.

I suffered in silence & felt that no one would listen or care if I spoke out about it. I painted a rosy picture that was far from rosy. Yet when I left my family started telling me they knew something was wrong, but they didn't realise how bad it was. They admitted that they didn't want to say anything in case I ran further away from them.

They were probably right. I would have sunk further into myself & they would have lost me to a devil.

Over further posts I will go into detail about the fear I lived through, the isolation, the torture of hating yourself & believing you were the one in the wrong, the moment of realisation & the escape where the doors opened to a new life. In writing about those days, hours & minutes I hope to give others encouragement & to let them know they are not alone.

My life has now changed for the better. I am finally free of the old me & a new me has sprung to life. So much so that I am in a new relationship & we are expecting our first child. Life for me couldn't be happier or more settled.

Sunday, 17 June 2012

Butt kicking time

OK I shall allow all my readers & followers to kick my butt. I've been away for far too long & have not even had the chance to reply to the lovely comments that my readers have left.

Last month I started a new job in a local charity shop (I'm now the new assistant manager) & to be honest this is the first time I have felt human enough to sit at my poorly missed netbook & write. (big awww). It's been great starting the job & I'm loving every minute of it but my poor brain & energy had sizzled. I don't think I have ever slept so much on my days off lol! It's physical, fun & i get to meet lovely but interesting characters.

But by starting the job I have neglected my writing & those who read this blog. So this was my way of saying sorry & to let people know I haven't disappeared lol.

I have also, in between working, managed to finish my degree...woohoo!! I should get my final result for the honours classification in August, so I shall be nervously biting my nails & checking the website everyday lol! Hence it has been a crazy, busy month.

Thankfully though I remembered Father's day & managed to send a gift & card to my dad...who has become a technology geek :o) it's actually quite funny as before he had trouble even texting people, but now he downloads apps, instant messages me & can upload photos & send them in an email! Way to go dad lol. Bless him, he has been getting excited telling me about all these new things he can do ha! I'm so proud of him.

I also want to say how proud I am of A.H. Browne for getting her other book published online... she is also offering free downloads of her book on certain days so go grab her book & have a good read :o)

I will have to keep up with my writing now & I might just add some amusing stories of the shop along the way. There must be a book in there somewhere lol. :o)

Wednesday, 16 May 2012

Wheels on the scooter.

Whoever came up with this ‘toy’ idea needs their head re-examining. Yes it may be a great way to get kids out in the fresh air but they do also have legs…let them walk.

I’m on a bit of a rant for this one as they scooters drive me nuts. There is still a craze for these things & every kid appears to have one. What’s the attraction? I have no idea what makes a child what one of those.

I see mothers walking to or from school carrying these either on buggies or in their hands just for their kid to ride home on or to school on. Then when you’re walking down the street YOU have to move for the kids on these because they have no breaks & if YOU don’t move 1. The kid may fall of the scooter or 2. You get hit by it.

I’ve had one go into the back of my ankles & yeah it hurt & yes I wanted to curse but you can’t because there are kids around. We also have kids riding these past our flat. Now when someone is riding one all you can hear is the thump of the wheels going over paving slabs. It’s annoying & especially as its downhill they go back up & come down over & over again. All you can hear is the thump, thump, thump. OMG.  It’s like a drill or an alarm…once the noise is in your head it won’t go & sometimes it takes ages before you realise it’s not happening anymore!

When I was a child we had bikes or our legs. If we wanted to meet friends or play outside we walked one foot in front of the other or rode silently. We had nothing that made annoying sounds. I even removed my bell from my bike as I couldn’t stand it & it annoyed me.

So I don’t get what makes these scooters so noisy & why kids ride them without any protective gear? No helmet, no pads. I watched a kid the other day that jumped off a kerb & fell into the road. He got straight back up & his friends began to giggle at him. A stunt gone wrong. But what if he had really hurt himself? He had no protective gear on so he could have banged his head, broken a bone or got hit by a car.

I sometimes see a few kids trying to do stunts on these tiny scooters, jumping of kerbs etc. But they don’t have a care in the world about it & their own safety, however surely the parents would care when they a call saying your son/daughter has been taken down A&E?

It’s madness & of course now the summer is meant to be coming all the kids will be out on these things showing off to their friends & probably going home with a few cuts & grazes, but if I was a parent I’d make sure protective gear was worn at all times or quite simply not give into the hype & not buy them one.

Perhaps they should be banned unless the right protective equipment is worn with them or perhaps face a fine of some sort? We can get fined for not wearing helmets on bikes so what’s the difference for the small scooters?

Sunday, 13 May 2012

GBE 2 Guilty Pleasures

I’ll let you into a little secret. My guilty pleasure is magazines. I love nothing better than sitting down with a cuppa & a good magazine.

I buy my dose of magazines each week & also a few monthly ones. I love the glossy pages, the chat pages & the real life stories, I glance over the fashion pages wishing I had hundreds to splash on a new bag or shoes but magazine window shopping is so much cheaper! I enjoy the adverts trying to sell me everything except a new kitchen sink & then I turn to the star signs & the world could fall apart! I also buy the fiction magazines & have a good read of the short stories wishing that I had kicked my bad ass to sit & write the short story that I’ve had notes on for ages.

I always stick to the same magazines. Grazia is my favourite weekly; Glamour & Cosmo are my favourite monthlies. I subscribe to Glamour & still get excited when it drops through the letter box each month!

This month though I was a bit peeved as one shop got to sell that magazine with a freebie in it which was exclusive to them this meant that even subscribers didn’t get the gift :o( this is my other guilty pleasure associated with magazines…the freebies! I love them. Yes I’m one of those people who will buy a magazine just for the: body butters/shower gels/mascaras/nail polish/ hair products/flip flops/sarongs & even books. I just love a good freebie with a magazine!

I will happily browse the shelves looking for that perfect read yet I normally end up reading the whole magazine in one sitting & find myself wishing that I had savoured each glossy page a little longer as then I wouldn’t I have to wait the whole month or week for the next glossy dose of magazine guilty pleasures. 


To write your own Guilty Pleasure story & join the GBE 2 go check out the post & details at: Word Nerd Speaks.


A-Z Reflections Post

I’ve spotted that most people have been writing their reflection posts on the A-Z challenge. So I thought I’d better get my ass in gear & write mine.

I loved the challenge, I enjoyed the idea of blogging everyday & having an excuse to actually write & get something out into the world. Every day I wrote longhand first in my notebook then typed it up & posted it. My posts seemed to be so much cleverer sounding this way than if I’d just written them straight up lol.

I settled on a theme for my posts as I knew I’d probably end up rambling on about anything & everything, so I chose to write about food & drink. Excellent & easy I thought. Oh how wrong I was.

It was fun, exciting & interesting but also very challenging especially when my internet decided to let me down for over a week. That annoyed the hell out of me but I came back fighting & flooded my poor readers with more posts to go through than even I would manage to read!

I met some wonderful people through the challenge who were kind enough to comment on my posts & I gained some new followers! Yay me! I’ve enjoyed receiving the comments & reading their work, there are some fantastic blogs out there! (Scroll down my list to find some new blogs to read & show them some love).

My only problem with the challenge was trying to read all the blogs that had entered. I know a few people were trying to read them all before the month was up. But for me that won’t happen, instead I’m going to potter over them in my own time, taking it all in then leaving a lovely comment :o) I want to see how others embraced the challenge & I do feel guilty for not following them all from the start, but as we all know there are only so many hours in a day & so much battery life my poor phone could handle when the internet saga began!

Technology let me down at a crucial point but I’m pleased I finished the challenge even if I slightly bent the rules. Would I do it again? Most definitely, but now I know this challenge exists (this was my first time & I only discovered it a few days before it started) I will plan ahead. I will dedicate time to pre-writing the posts before next April & then I’ll be ahead of any problems they may crop up…so take that Mr Internet Company!!

I will be brave & embark on this journey next year & the year after that & hopefully the year after that as well & along the way I hope to meet more wonderful people who enjoy my writing & wish to follow future posts.

Thank you to all my readers, followers, new friends & of course the A-Z Team who without them this challenge would not exist. So here’s to next year *raises a glass of water as the Pimms & Wine went to her head* :o)

Sunday, 29 April 2012


I tried to think of a food beginning with ‘Z’ but nothing came to me so I thought Zest would probably be a good ending to the A-Z challenge.

I started on a dessert & I’ll end on an ingredient that goes into desserts. Ooh now that made me look clever & imaginative.

At school I did food technology as part of my GCSE’s, most desserts I made listed the Zest of a: orange/lemon/lime. Zest seemed to be put in everything & I felt like I was always grating a fruit of some kind. Then it advised in the recipe that you could always decorate the dessert with a sprinkle of Zest.

If you watch cookery programmes you can see that by grating or peeling the chefs always manage to use the zest of a fruit. I mean it does give the dessert an extra zingy taste & it does help a good dessert taste that little bit better. I wonder who came up with the brainwave of using the zest.


Well that's it, the end of the A-Z Challenge. It has been a roller coaster ride & one that I enjoyed every moment of. I have had some lovely new readers & I have found some really great blogs out there that i shall be following from now on. Thank you to all those who did this journey with me & I'm sure that this time next year I'll be doing another A-Z challenge!