Trusting.

Trust.

I am finding it harder as I go along in life to trust others. I have always been this person who easily trusts other people but if the s**t on me one too many times then I walk away. But as I’ve grown I’ve noticed I always forgive those who really let my trust down time & time again. I actually put myself through being upset just so I could spare their feelings. It’s not right & it’s pretty stupid of me to allow people to treat me badly.

So I kept vowing that if certain people let me down again than that was it. No more. I would know to never trust them again.

And guess what, they did exactly as predicted & let me down. So now I have no trust in them. Will I forgive them? Perhaps in time. I’m actually unsure at the moment if I can forgive them. I have this good monkey on one shoulder saying “in time forgive & forget” then the bad monkey keeps reminding me “this isn’t the first time it’s happened.”

Really though how can people earn your trust back? I’m not going to make them grovel for it. I just want some understanding on how they keep letting me down & that hey guess what I’m a big girl now & can say “I’m not putting up with this anymore.” & then I’d say goodbye & walk in the opposite direction.

I think people see me as a soft touch in some ways but there comes a time when you look in the mirror & say “whoa, no way, this will not continue/happen anymore.” I am stronger than this & it’s time that strong person reared its head & made a stand.

I’ve got to a stage now where I won’t be walked over. I think when other things perhaps become more important in your life & future then you realise that others who perhaps take you for granted or mistake your trust in them become less important in your life. You get to the point where you think no I don’t want you involved in what I do anymore.

If people do not respect the trust you have in them as a person then do they deserve to be a part of everything you do in your life? Or should you only allow them snippets?

You see I’m the sort of person who goes out of her way to make everyone around me happy. I won’t sit & make one call to a family member & hope they pass on my “gossip” so to speak, so I’ll normally end up calling everyone to make sure they are all well etc. But what has driven me mad in recent times is the feeling that some don’t go out of their way to return the ‘happy vibe’. I realised that most of the time I’m the one reaching out to others whom I trust & I never get one branch back.

But hey ho I guess that’s life in all its fine details.

Some people stick with you through thick & thin, others slip away & slowly lose the trust you built up for them.

I just know I’ll have to be more careful in the future as to whom I put my trust into. 

Another life lesson learned.